New site addresses

I have created 2 new accounts, one for myself and one for Richard with Caring Bridge. This is exclusively for persons with health issues. The nice thing about the websites is you can register and choose to have new journal entries directly emailed to you as they are written.
Kim's website www.caringbridge.org/visit/kimwaggoner
Richards website www.caringbridge.org/visit/richardsponseller

I will no longer be updating my current blog but will make all new entries on the Caring Bridge sites.

Thanks so much!!!
Kim

Update Again

Richard was taken to the ER last night and diagnosed with a bleeding stroke. He developed slurred speech and right sided weakness about 1130pm last night. He was transferred to Lutheran. He has regained normal speech, ability to use right arm, but remains numb, he has some movement of right leg. He is having an MRI now to determine if bleeding has stopped. I am so thankful that he was awake when symptoms started so that he could let my mom know and get treatment immediately. The Lord is surely looking after him. I know this seems like a lot going on in our family right now but I am still confident that God has gone before us, behind us and is right in the middle of everything going on. He is continuing to reveal himself to all us in a powerful way. He is so faithful, full of mercy and grace.
I have an oncologist check up today at 1pm, then will be heading to Ft Wayne. Chris and Travena are with mom and Richard now. Pray for their strength as they minister God's love to mom and Richard. (no one has slept yet..)
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written "for your sake we face death all day long, we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered" No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the further, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" Romans 8:35-39

Richard Update

I went with my mom and stepdad Richard to Dr appt today. Good news. We have detected his cancer very early and it appears that a very small portion of his lower esophagus is involved. He had more blood tests, xrays and EKG today. He will see surgeon at IU Med center next Wednesday for consult to formulate treatment plan. Probably surgery to remove part of stomach and then chemo back here in Warsaw. Thankful for a good report.
I'll update more on me soon... Thanks for your prayers.

Prayer Request

My stepdad, Richard, was just diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer. Please pray for my mom and him during this time. He has a PET scan today and a CT scan tomorrow. He will follow up with his Dr on Tuesday and then be referred to IU med center for an oncologist. Again, trusting the Lord through trials. "We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His Love." Romans 5:3-5

Waiting....

What's been going on with me???? My next tests aren't until the first week of April so I'm waiting.... But I decided (with nudging from the Lord) to look at this waiting as a blessing. I have been reading and educating myself on my cancer. I am learning more about nutrition, herbs etc that can fight cancer. I have been looking in our home for possible toxins that could be stressing my body making my immune system weaker. (we are testing for radon, mold, changing our cookware to stainless steel etc). I have been enjoying this time with my husband and children, focusing on our relationships, spending extra time with them. I have slowly started to exercise again for the first time since before surgery. Right now I am just taking brisk walks and doing some light hand weights at home but it feels great to get moving. I was so sore from surgery that I was basically taking little baby steps around the house for 2 weeks. I am also glad to report that I have had NO anxiety attacks since my last blog entry. The best blessing in this waiting is what God is teaching me. At first when I found out that I wasn't going to have chemo to rid me of this cancer I was disappointed. I wanted it out of me! Now I can see it is a blessing. I now can work on nutritionally building myself up and spiritually building myself up. A verse keeps coming to my mind "This plan of mine is not what you would work out, neither are my thoughts the same as yours. For just as the Heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than yours and my thoughts than yours." Isaiah 55:8. I had been praying that God would use me. I had been specifically praying that my life would exalt Him and bring Him glory. I wanted people to see that He is full of love and desires a relationship with them. I prayed that I would be a willing vessel in which others would come to know Him. I prayed that my life would make others curious about the God that I serve. I didn't want to look good in how I lived my life but the desire of my heart was that others around me would look to God, that they would come to have a relationship with the One who wants them to know Him intimately. Boy did God answer my prayer or what? I wouldn't have specifically chosen to have cancer and allow my life to be so transparent but I'm humbled that He's chosen me for this task. I've also realized that as I have prayed for answers and wanting to know what my future looks like (when will I get "sick", when will I have chemo, will I be healed before that, how long will I live? will cancer take my life?) I realized that if God just revealed those answers to me then I would stop praying about them. I would stop seeking Him. This isn't what He wants. He wants me to seek Him, sit at His feet and feel His love and presence. It's so about the relationship. As I am persistent and keep coming to Him, I learn more and more about Him. How cool is that?

Update

My PET scan was rescheduled to April 8th instead of tomorrow. Had to wait for insurance precertification. I had a CBC drawn today and my numbers look great!!! Yippeee!
Kim

A Lesson From Haiti

So I've thought to myself how crazy it was that I went to Haiti with Lymphoma and didn't get sick! (well except the bad water experience). I can see it was God protecting me. I wanted to go to Haiti to bring them Gods love and share His promise of Hope through the message of Jesus. Now I am able to look back and see God also had a plan to use Haiti to prepare me to live with Lymphoma. I thank you all for the kind words about me but please know I am no superhuman. I am a frail, weak person that God is using to show His strength. For example, for the first time in my life I am battling with real anxiety. Not just the nervousness you feel before a test or before the begining of a race. At times since this diagnosis I can feel my heart race, my breathing increase and feel short of breath and wonder if I'm losing my mind. The first night of my diagnosis I didn't sleep. The second night I was laying in bed and began to cry out to God to help me. Eric was there and began praying for me. As he prayed he reminded me of something I told him God had taught me in Haiti. When I flew to Haiti I was in a single engine small plane. I was scared to death!!! As we began to take off and fly over the ocean I had my eyes closed tight. My palms began to sweat and I started to pray. As I was praying the Lord said "OK Kim, you can either sit here and be afraid or you can trust me, open your eyes and enjoy the journey. Just look at my beautiful creation I've made for you!" So I decided to trust Him. He'd been faithful before, I knew He would be again. Needless to say, I had an amazing "eyes wide open" experience overlooking the amazing blue-green colors of the Carribean waters. So as Eric prayed and reminded me of this, I could feel the anxiety melt away. I knew I had a Father I could trust. I knew that He was taking me on a new journey to teach me and draw me closer to Himself. I wish just realizing this completely took away the anxiety but at times it still comes. Last night, again this morning. I am so dependant on Him for help. I dig through scriptures to find God's promises for me, I pray, and I let others pray over me. I know that He loves this daughter of His, He is faithful and always ready to help. "Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you" 1 Peter 5:7 "Be strong! Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them (cancer, pain, dying)! For the Lord your God will be with you. HE will neither fail you nor forsake you." Joshua 1:9 "Don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Philipians 4:6-7
Love to all,
Kim